Tragedy can Change Your Focus

The past few weeks have been filled with ups and downs. Holidays can be exciting, tiring, and depressing all at the same time for many. Family gatherings, shopping, and day to day tasks can make some feel the same way.

I got the opportunity to ride the day after Thanksgiving with a “sister ” who recently got a trike. I had never seen one of those up close and had to stop and check it out at one point along the ride. If the time comes that I can’t ride 2 wheels, there will definitely be 3 wheels in my future! I’ve never ridden with anyone other than my hubby before and it was a pretty cool feeling. We aren’t able to talk to each other while we rode, but the unspoken love for wind therapy and that quiet time alone yet together with God was powerful. We agreed we will be doing it again.

On that ride, and on rides since, I’ve continually thought about the tragedies in life that can bring people closer together. When something tragic happens we are often forced to think about and face things a little bit differently. I, like many of you I’m sure, have lost loved ones to various reasons and also had to watch loved ones with serious health issues. I’ve had overwhelming emotions, sometimes for no reason and sometimes around various holidays, related to missing those loved ones that are no longer here.

How many of you know someone who was murdered? We hear about it happening every single day, but until it happens to someone you know it may not seem real. Even if it isn’t someone you’re close to, it will change how you see things. Just before Thanksgiving my stepson’s stepson was murdered and his killer is still out there. No family should ever have to experience the pain of losing a child so senselessly. One minute he was a 19 year old living life, the next minute he was fighting for his life. Ultimately he lost his life, but through organ donation he gave life to 3 other people. For those 3 families he will always be a part of them. For his own family left behind, he will always be missed. His short life affected so many more than just his immediate family. As stories emerge and people share memories, one sentiment is shared over and over, Nate was a giver and a true friend who would literally give others the shirt off his back. I saw how he interacted with his stepbrother and stepsister when they entered his life and he was so loving, caring and playful with them. He genuinely loved them both. How does anyone explain how to now deal with the loss of their brother, gone too soon for reasons unknown?

We have no definitive answers to questions like that. Life goes on, but it goes on differently. Nothing will ever be the same for his friends and family. Things like this should make us all stop and think more about family and those we love. There are some situations we can’t change, but we can pray more about them and maybe one day, if those involved are willing, and if it’s God’s will, the situation will change.

We can appreciate those around us more and let other things bother us less. That slow driver in front of us may actually be there to force us to slow down and maybe avoid something that could have happened if we weren’t being held back. That Dr. who kept you waiting for your scheduled appt. may have been running behind because they had to give someone bad news from tests they’d had done. That coworker who got angry with you may have things going on in their personal life you know nothing about, and they took it out on you unintentionally due to stresses outside of work. You may never know the battles others are facing on a daily basis, so we need to just be kind.

Appreciate your family that’s still here and never waste an opportunity to tell them you love them, you may not get another chance. Go to that family gathering or event your loved ones are interested in now while you still can. On Sunday when our family gathered to celebrate my mother in law’s birthday, my oldest granddaughter asked to go home with us. It was pretty out and I’d thought about an afternoon ride, but when she asked that, the ride could wait, she came first. Cherish the ones you have while they’re still here, we are not promised another day.

Don’t let work become your driving force, your employer will replace you when you’re gone. Don’t let material things take precedence over quality time with loved ones. Memories made are far more important than money made. Our families want our time, not our inheritance. When I think of loved ones I miss it’s about things that were said and done, not things that were bought.

As Christmas now approaches, remember it’s about who is around the tree not what’s under it that matters most. Most of us remember feelings and stories much more than material gifts. Focus on what really matters, make memories and take pictures, they may be all you have left one day, and you will cherish them forever. They will bring comfort when nothing else can. And if you can also make memories riding with family and friends, you’ve got the best of both worlds!