Don’t “Fit In”

Finally we got a sunny day with beautiful blue skies, sunshine, and very little wind! The wind lately has been a serious buzzkiller when it comes to riding, but not today. I rode longer than I’ve ridden at one time ever I think since I started riding. I must admit I didn’t want to stop even then but it had been a little over 2 hours and it was time. Unfortunately, I have responsibilities that require attention, whether I like it or not.

Today as I rode it seemed my mind was everywhere; thinking about my childhood, my youth, the day I was SUPPOSED to leave for college and so many other things right up until the present. Yes I said supposed to, I changed my mind the day I was to leave. It’s a day I won’t forget for sure, but a day I don’t regret.

It made me think about my daughter in law, who is going into nursing, and my oldest son’s girlfriend who is going into special education. That’s exactly what my major was going to be. It’s funny how things work out. They both are going into fields where they will help others and I’m proud of them both, as I am my sons. Although I didn’t go on to get my degree as planned, I’m working with individuals who have autism and couldn’t think of anything I’d rather be doing. I guess my job now combines the nursing and the teaching all into one.

While riding I also thought about how often I’ve felt like I never really “fit in.” I was not the partier or social bug in school. I preferred then, like now, to just have a few close friends rather than a large group to hang out with. I was happier going hiking, fishing, or canoeing with my brother or hunting with my dad and brother than going out with friends. Maybe it was and is a comfort thing because I knew what they expected, knew they’d love me no matter what, and there was no pressure. I did realize today it’s also time to start fishing again.I saw a lot of people fishing today and it brought back some great memories. I’m not sure I can combine that with riding but we’ll see!

Even though my mom and dad didn’t completely understand my reason for not going to college that day, they still supported my decision. Don’t get me wrong, there was some serious discussion and expectations that followed that decision, but there was also support and understanding.

Throughout my life, as I made decisions that they didn’t always agree with, there was always support and understanding from my parents and my brother.

It seems like now there is so much focus on people feeling like they need to “fit in” and be what others want them to be. Too much focus, in my opinion, is put on what others think. God made each and every one of us different for a reason. We all serve a different purpose, we all can’t be alike or be what someone else wants us to be. I’ve always been very independent and strong willed. This can be intimidating to others sometimes and be misunderstood. I’ve also always tried to be a peace maker and to “fix” things for other people. The older I get, the more I realize I can’t fix anyone but myself and that’s a full time job 😉.

As I continued to ride, I thought about how I would or wouldn’t do things now, if I had the chance to do anything over. I’ll admit there are some things I’d have done differently, but then I wouldn’t be who I am today. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don’t know honestly, I guess it depends on who you ask.

All I know is I’m determined to take one day at a time and just try to be me. You can’t please everyone and some days you may not feel like you please anyone, you just have to keep going and try to do better for you, and for who you think God wants you to be. Everyone has an opinion, but only you can live your life.

We are all probably good at giving advice, but not as good at taking it. Sometimes our own advice to others, is really advice we need to take ourselves I think. I can’t tell you how many times I remember saying, “I will never…” and how many times that “never” became something I indeed “did.” Sometimes that was and is a good thing, sometimes, not so much.

Every day is a new beginning. What I (we) decide to do with it is up to me(us). Every day God allows me to wake up, means He still has a plan for me and for you.

I challenge each and every one of you to commit with me to try to make every day count, as we never know when it will be our last. I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know the one who holds my future in His hands and that’s enough.